Three Actions to Build Life-giving Resiliency

When faced with setbacks and mountains you need to climb, why is it important to not give up? Why does it matter that you bounce back from adversity and not let that challenge steal your joy and defeat you?

I can think of five reasons to not give up. I’m curious. Why do you keep going when tempted to quit? Here are a few I thought of.

• I want to be an example of grit and perseverance
• I want to leave a positive legacy
• I want to be a light to those challenged by darkness
• I want to feel alive and not numb to life
• I want to stem the tide of discouragement and despair from spreading any further

What I’m describing is a quality I admire in others and want to continue developing in myself.

RESILIENCY

What is it?

The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness…the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

Dictionary definition

I want to add one more element to that definition — “the ability to bounce forward when there’s no back to go to.”

When I was recovering from a life altering traumatic motorcycle accident, I had a “bounce back” mindset. I was convinced I’d be back to what I was doing before my setback.

What I learned four months into my recovery, however, was that my injuries would have such an effect on my legs that I would never run again. I had to adjust my expectations and redefine my future.

My new definition of what was possible had to adjust from “bouncing back” to “bouncing forward.” I had to find a new place to stand, new ways to work, do life, and show up in the world.

During that journey, I developed resiliency and grew by taking one baby step at a time. I moved forward to new places of understanding, empathy, and mental toughness.

What’s Your RQ?

What’s your Resiliency Quotient? How well equipped are you to bounce forward in the face of setbacks and overwhelming circumstances?

The higher it is, the greater your ability will be to grow through loss and adversity. And the greater inspiration you will be.

Here’s a simple way to assess your own your RQ. With a challenging situation in mind, put a mental “X” on the line closest to the word that describes your response in your situation.

closed minded ——————————— teachable
a victim ————————————— responsible
isolated ———————————— connected
aimless ——————————— purposeful
reactive ——————————— responds
rigid ——————————— flexible
pessimistic ———————— optimistic
stoic ———————————— feeler
timid ——————-————— bold

How did you do?

The more “X’s” you have on the right side of the spectrum, the stronger your resiliency muscle will be. The proof of your resiliency will come not just in your words and mindset but in the actions you take.

I continue to put a resiliency mindset into action on a daily basis.

It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Three Actions that will Build Resiliency

1. Live on purpose

If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces.

― Shane Koyczan

It’s not easy to find purpose when you’re distracted by pain or frustration. The key is to look around for ways you can serve others, use your talent to bless others.

Life leaves clues for what your purpose might be. When do you feel alive? What’s your talent that gives you joy to use?

During my three year recovery, I found that writing gave me joy and was a way to inspire and encourage others. It helped me bounce forward.

2. Say thanks

Gratitude turns what we have into enough.

— Anonymous

Gratitude changes the very chemistry of your brain and helps with the healing and recovery process. Gratitude gets you looking out instead of at your own pain and sorrow. Gratitude creates positive emotion and reminds you of what you have left, not what’s been lost.

One game I will play to bounce forward is the gratitude alphabet game. While driving or walking, I’ll come up with things, people, experiences I’m grateful for starting from A-Z. It changes me.

3.Be a friend

She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.

― Elizabeth Edwards

When you’re hurting or recovering from a setback, loss or adversity it’s easy to shut people out. You can feel like everyone is just passing you by.

I learned something when I bumped into the reality of isolation. I needed to take responsibility for connecting and not leave it up to everyone else.

Some times we are too weak to initiate friendship but most times, there is a way to find friendship. Feeling sorry for yourself will not help you bounce forward. Choosing to initiate friendship will.

When I felt isolation creeping into my hours alone in the house, I got onto my electric scooter, and went into the neighborhood to find the human contact I was missing.

Final Thought

What will you do today to continue growing your resiliency muscle? Remember why it’s important for you to stay stuck but to keep moving, ever if it’s ever so slowly.

Rock bottom became the solid foundation in which I rebuilt my life.

― J.K. Rowling

Resilience is very different than being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt. You fall. But, you keep going.

― Yasmin Mogahed