How Likeable Are You?

Likeable people, receive better care from doctors and nurses, are happier, have higher quality relationships, and are more likely to succeed in their personal and professional lives.  I’ve not only seen this in action but have read the research to back it up.

The other news is likeability is something you can improve on with a dose of self-awareness, specific feedback and old fashioned hard work.      

The principle at work here is consistent with what Maya Angelou once said:

…people will forget what you said…forget what you did,
but…will never forget how you made them feel.

When you make other people feel “liked”, you cultivate the kind of soil within yourself and others where hope grows strong and where your ability to dance with adversity becomes a stronger possibility.  

The four elements to make you likeable are:

• Friendliness

Being friendly is about being open and welcoming to the people who come into your life. 

A friendly person greets others with a smile and takes a genuine interest in the lives and affairs of others. Words like “kindness”, “warmth”, “inviting”, and “pleasant” come to mind.  Friendly people are a breath of fresh air on a hot stuffy day.  During my time in the hospital I’ve had nurses tell me they spend as little time as possible with unfriendly and rude patients!  (I was assuming they were not talking about me).

Reflect: Do I set an example of friendliness for others to follow?

• Relevance

Being relevant is about connecting to the interests, wants and needs of other people. You show yourself likeable when you find out what the other person enjoys, what they value, and what they would love to do with their life. A likeable person comes into the room and says, “Oh, there you are!”  An unlikeable person comes into the room and says, “Here I am!” 

Reflect: How well do you connect with the interests and needs of your family, friends, care givers, co-workers and others? 

• Empathy

Showing empathy is the ability to see and feel things from another person’s point of view if possible. People who empathize give the feeling that they are “with the other person” in their struggle.

Reflect: Do I know how the people I spent time with today feel about their job, their life or their future?

• Realness

Being real is the opposite of being a fake.  It’s having actions to match your words. It’s being true to yourself and having nothing to hide or cover up.  Being real has the ability to be honest and truthful but always in a spirit of love and respect. 

Reflect: How consistently are you the same person on the outside as you are on the inside?

Basically, your likeability factor is your ability to create positive emotional experiences in others. When you make others feel good, they tend to like, prefer, choose, or gravitate to you. You are low in likeability when you come at a psychological cost. Generating a negative experience in other people causes them to avoid choosing you, staying with you, listening to you, believing you, or supporting you in times of crisis (Tim Sanders).
[To read more on this topic see Tim Sanders book, The Likeability Factor]

What is your likeability score (click here to take the test)?  What area needs to grow stronger?

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