Ten Resiliency Practices When Dealing With Loss – Part 2

What loss comes to mind that you could apply resiliency to? There are so many types of losses.

Just a few losses include: the loss of a close friend or family member, loss of a life partner, loss of health, divorce, unresolved conflict, empty nest, loss of mobility, loss of a job, loss of physical or mental ability, loss of finances.

Resiliency practiced will give you strength and support to navigate any loss. When I woke up in ICU after my motorcycle accident in 2011, I used resiliency muscles (eventually) to aid me in my healing.

In part one of this article, I talked about three resiliency practices: 1) adopt a positive attitude; 2) practice mental adaptability; and 3) embrace a personal moral compass [click here to read it].

Three Resiliency Practices When Dealing With Loss

4. Find a resilient role model

Some things are learned best by watching others. That’s certainly true when it comes to dealing with loss.

When Vicky died, I found some those family and friends who had experience with what I was facing. I asked questions and listened to their stories. It didn’t always match perfectly but gave me clues as to what I should do.

I looked to historical role models. Nelson Mandela was one I learned from. He lost his freedom yet maintained his sanity and rose to power without bitterness or hatred.

Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.

Nelson Mandela

I read the book of Job in the Bible after Vicky died. Job’s friends weren’t worth following but he showed much resiliency after losing pretty much everything.

A fifth resiliency practice:

5. Face your fears

Not too long after Vicky died, I faced the fear of forgetting her. She was out of sight and I worried that I’d not remember her. I proceeded to honor her life by recorded the memories I had, naming my new bike after her, and making sure to keep her memory alive in other ways.

Over time I was surprised at what happened. Instead of her memory fading, the pain of her loss subsided but the fondness of our times together (riding our tandem, spending time with friends, walking our dog Max) grew sweeter over time.

I discovered that my fear was unfounded and based in False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.).

A sixth resiliency practice:

6. Develop active coping skills

Resiliency by definition is proactive not reactive. Resilient people step into their challenges with coping skills they learn over time. Journaling is a coping skill. Walking the dog is a coping skill. Connecting with empathetic people is a coping skill. Writing out affirmation statements is a coping skill.

A coping skills I kept going back to was actively seek support when I needed it instead of waiting for others to contact me. It’s not easy to reach out when you’re hurting but it sure beats the alternative: being the only person at your own pity party.

There is some real wisdom we can learn from the willow on how to cope with adversity.

The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.

Robert Jordan

Final words

Who is your resiliency role model? Find one and let their story inspire you to live courageously.

What fear holds you back? Is it False Evidence Appearing Real or a legitimate concern you can do something about?

What coping skill do you have that you want to keep using when the pain of loss presses in on you?